WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT GOING TO THERAPY

You may be struggling in a relationship, or have things from the past that you can’t seem to let go of. Or you find yourself anxious or wondering if this sadness is depression.  Friends tell you to get help. You want to consider therapy. But it seems a little intimidating or uncomfortable to think about how to get started,

Here are a few things to help you feel more at ease with the therapeutic process.

First of all, find a reputable therapist.  Ask your doctor, your pastor or friends, who have been in therapy, the name of a therapist they would recommend. People in professional roles such as doctors or pastors will know people who have sought counseling and report back on their progress. This provides them with good references so that you can rest assured you are referred to someone who practices good/effective therapy.

Call your insurance company to find out if your policy covers mental health.They may have a list of providers who participate in your plan.  Many therapists are no longer taking insurance, so the therapist you want to see may not be in network with your insurance plan.  You can ask if they will file out of network with your insurance, or you can ask if they work on a sliding scale; which could reduce your costs. If there is a therapist who has been highly recommended to you but they do not accept your insurance, consider setting up an appointment anyway and paying out of pocket.  Often, more experienced counselors are well worth the extra cost.

If you don’t have the name of a specific counselor, but have been referred to a group practice or agency, call the office and briefly share why you looking to schedule a session. The receptionist should be able to direct you to someone in the practice who would be a good fit for you and your particular situation. Don’t be timid about sharing the reason you are looking for a therapist. People working in a therapy practice hear all types of issues every day and they won’t judge you or be shocked by what you share.  Their business is to help people in all types of circumstances connect to the most helpful therapist.

Schedule your appointments at a time that is convenient for you.  Some practices offer evening or Saturday hours.  If you start seeing a therapist that only works in the daytime and you are having to miss work or get childcare each time, you will be less likely to go to your appointments consistently.  Or you may even discontinue therapy.  Being consistent with therapy is very important. Going in twice a year may be encouraging, but that doesn’t generally doesn’t lead to lasting change and growth.

If at all possible, complete your paperwork online prior to your first appointment.  Most therapists schedule 50-60 minute sessions, and they will most likely have another person scheduled right after you. If you spend 15 minutes completing your paperwork, your session will be limited by the amount of time left in your scheduled visit. If you can’t complete it online, arrive 15- 20 minutes early so it doesn’t cut into your time with your therapist.

Briefly prepare ahead of time to share which issues are your greatest concerns. Don’t worry if you don’t have it all completely clarified. Just start with why you are coming to counseling or what issues you want to work on. This will help you and the therapist get the most out of the first session.

Be prepared to talk.  The therapist can’t get to know you if you don’t openly share.  Allow the therapist to talk, too. Sometimes it feels so good to talk about something in a safe setting that we don’t get to hear the therapist’s perspective. They are there to offer tools you need to help you cope, learn and grow.

If there are times you feel scattered, allow the counselor to ask questions. They can guide you in telling your story and clarifying your goals. Don’t worry about whether you are doing therapy “right.” This isn’t about presenting well for your therapist. It is about getting help.

Expect your therapist to give you homework. If they don’t, ask for it.  There is work that you can be doing during the times between your appointments that can help speed your healing.

Recognize that therapy is a process.  Some people believe that they go to a therapist to share their issues and a “good” therapist will just tell them what to do so they can finish quickly. They want to have a judge or in marriage counseling  a referee!  The goal is for you to gain insights and learn new skills to help you function better in your life and relationships. It takes time!  That doesn’t mean you have to be in therapy forever, but we can’t rush the process.  It is a little- by-little process. You may remember the movie What About Bob? -It’s baby steps. (Warning that movie is Not about good therapy.)

If you are uncomfortable with anything your therapist says in session or the way they are going about therapy, speak up!  This is your time. If  your progress is going too slow or you feel you are being rushed, talk to your therapist about it.  Even gifted, experienced therapists can’t read your mind. Speak up.

The relationship between you and your therapist is the most important aspect of therapy. You should feel safe; knowing the therapist won’t judge you or minimize your issues and that your discussions will be held in confidence.

If you are uncomfortable with your therapist or just don’t feel like you can relate to them, you can change therapists.  The right fit is crucial in working with a therapist. If however, you are seeing your 4th counselor, you may have to ask yourself if you are ready for therapy or if you are running away from an issue.

Depending on your circumstances, your therapist may suggest you transfer to someone who does trauma work using EMDR or other specified techniques. This is not a sign that they don’t want to work with you. It is a sign that they are looking after your best interests and want you to get the best possible care.

They may also encourage you to see your primary care doctor for medication for anxiety, depression or ADD or ADHD.  Medication is very helpful in certain situations and actually helps the therapeutic process and provide you quicker relief.

Going to therapy doesn’t mean that you will go on medication or that you will be on medication for the rest of your life.  Your therapist will help you develop coping skills and strategies to deal with your life circumstances These tools will  help you enjoy life and have good relationships.

It may seem intimidating to go to therapy for the first time. But remember, this is what a therapist does every day.  They are trained to be accepting, safe, confidential. They are there to work for you and help you achieve your relationship and emotional goals.