Life Connection Counseling | Counseling
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Counseling

I recently had a client lamenting the fact that her mother didn’t seem to know how to get beyond surface deep.  That no matter how much her daughter wanted to share with her on a deeper more intimate level, the mother would always revert to surface talk.  The daughter was frustrated by the inability to have a quality relationship with her mother and the judgemental nature of their conversations. I found myself saying to her, “You, know some people only live three inches deep.  They will not allow themselves to go beyond that depth for fear of touching on issues or emotions that they don’t know how to deal with.” Woman-child-GARDENING-LOW-REZ

This is a continuation of our series looking at the different types of unhealthy parental messages described in the book Cutting Loose,  by Dr. Howard M. Halpern.   Today we will look at “unloviing parents.”

All of us have had experiences in life where we have felt unloved, misunderstood or uncared for at times.  Which, as long as we live in a fallen world will be a universal experience.  But, there are those who have experienced parents who seem to have a deficiency in either their ability or desire to be basically loving and caring. It is of these that we speak today.

unloving parents

If a marriage doesn’t work, what happens after divorce?  Divorce is a common occurrence in our culture.  A person is left with loneliness, lowered self-esteem, anxiety about the unknowns, and difficulty forming new intimate relationships. The way you chose to handle and recover from your divorce will set the course for the rest of your life.  Research has shown that there are 6 common pathways in exiting divorce.

 NewDivorcedCouple

As parents, we want our children and adolescents to behave appropriately and be responsible for their behaviors. When our children and adolescents misbehave, we want them to understand why those behaviors are unacceptable. So, we want to give consequences, but it is important to make sure we are imposing consequences that will alter behaviors.  If parents are going to use consequences, they have to realize why they are using consequences and understand the significance of making the consequence “fit the behaviors” if you will. Parents Reading to Laughing Boy

February 14, Valentine’s Day,  is the time of year where we consider romance and its impact on our world.  Recently, Janis and I went to a romantic comedy and found, once again, the entire story about the on again off again stumblings of a couple falling in love.  It always seems it is not until the last scene that they know the “magic” has struck and as the scene fades the obvious message is, now that we are “in love” the rest of life is “happily ever after”. love2

It’s been said that art reflects the culture.  If that is true, there seems to be a very interesting trend occurring.  Two of the women nominated for a Golden Globe Award for best actress in  musical or comedy are women that are 58 years of age.  And the interesting part is that the primary role of the character they play is not as someone’s mother.  These women are portrayed as vibrant, beautiful women who are interesting both intellectually and physically.  While I am not necessarily endorsing either movie, this idea of older women being interesting and attractive is a bit bizarre for a business who considers aging fatal for women. Old Woman Pic

"Your life is boring. You're sick of your job. Your relationship is stuck in a rut.These thoughts are circulating through many people's minds, says Nick Gould, a therapist with Midtown Family Therapy. But they don't have to be. A new year is a perfect time for people to reinvent themselves, experts say." - Nour Habib