Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

How do you know if you are in an unhealthy relationship? We know that relationships take work, and that there will be good and bad times; as well as things that we need to overlook. But there are some relationships that just aren’t healthy and will end up painful and possibly damaging to us and others.
Here are a few warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.

The person you are in relationship with criticizes or belittles you. Sometimes it is obvious. “I can’t believe you are so stupid.” But often times it is subtle - consistently questioning what you are wearing or why you do things the way you do them. When you are offended or hurt by the comments, the response is often, “You are just too sensitive”, or “I was just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?”

They try to change you, what you wear, how you fix your hair, how you speak or want to “help you” lose or gain weight.

Another sign is you begin to notice you are only doing activities they enjoy. If you do plan something you like to do, they will likely have an excuse for not doing it, complain throughout the activity or try to convince you that what they want to do is really much more fun.

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, that person will attempt to pull you away from other positive influences in your life. They begin by either criticizing people that you are close to, or finding ways to keep you too busy to be with those people.

They may use emotional blackmail, “If you really loved me, you would do……” or “If you were a good wife, friend, etc... you would know what I need.” This is idealism at best and control at worst.

You find yourself apologizing frequently but realize they rarely, if ever apologize. Or the apology is something like, “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have done that if you…..” True apologies require accepting our responsibility without shifting blame or rationalizing behavior.

If you state a strong opinion that they disagree with, an unhealthy person will contact people who are close to you (often people they have been critical of in the past) and try to get them to persuade you to change your opinion or feelings about an issue or person.

In an unhealthy relationship, you often feel confused after trying to discuss something with them, or you find you are frequently doubting yourself. Over a period of time, you find it difficult to make decisions and leave the decision making up to the other person.

Healthy relationships help us grow as individuals. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication and willingness to work through disagreements. Healthy relationships require compromise but value individual opinions, wants and needs. Healthy relationships help us be our best in our relationships with others.

If you see unhealthy signs in your relationships, seek professional help. Working with an experienced, caring counselor can help improve your life and your relationships.